the dark cloud

I always say everything happens for a reason but I'll never understand why some things happen. Mental illness is one of them. Why do people have to suffer from having a dysfunction in their brain that controls their life and can ruin it. And why is this so common.

I've dealt with it myself, for years. It's like there's a dark cloud in your head, it controls your emotions, your actions and sometimes you are helpless because all of your logic and clarity is gone. 

Since my worst episodes a couple of years ago, I've now seen 3 of my closest friends go through the exact same thing I did. It breaks my heart. Each time I think I'm going to loose someone I get the same sinking feeling. My heart and stomach drop. To know that they are feeling so helpless and vulnerable. To know that they are in so much pain. My world would never be the same without them. Innocent, beautiful people feel this way everyday, and it's scary how severe it can become. I wish mental illness never exsisted and I'll never understand the reason for such a horrible thing. 

I love you so much sweetheart:(